"Long is the road from conception to completion."

Never have I felt more mixed emotions in my life than the time I walked out of high school. I couldn't decide if I was excited, devastated, nervous, relieved, regretful, or any other emotion I can possibly think of. Everything came to an end that day, and I'm still wondering where I stand (well, I guess it's been less than a week, but I don't think it's something I'll figure out anytime soon...). School was my life, literally. It's all I've ever really thought about and nearly every single one of my goals has something or other to do with school. However, school has come to a close and it's time to move into the next phase of my life.

My blog has repeatedly stated how excited I am for the years to come, outside of school. I still am so excited, and I was beginning to wonder what I will do now without the guidance and support that comes with high school. Sure, I'll still have family and friends that can help me out here and there, but I'm really going to be standing on my own two feet. There won't be a teacher chasing me up about how my major assignment is going, and hardly any people that have spare time (and the right knowledge) to proof read things for me ... it's going to be a huge transition and hopefully one of the most exciting transitions I'll ever make.

I hope to find a new world outside of school, because I know there is one out there. I don't want to forget what my schools have given me over the past thirteen years, but I'm ready to start thinking outside the box. It's up to me now, how I'm going to live my life.

So, this blog post is dedicated to the many teachers that have guided me over the past thirteen years - you know who you are. Particularly my high school teachers, especially those in my final year of schooling. I speak on behalf of everyone, in saying that we couldn't have done it without you. You guys are the reason we're all still sane (somewhat) and the reason we have a solid future waiting for us in 2011.

"The innocent seldom find an uncomfortable pillow."

Every night when I literally crash into my bed and my head hits the pillow I'm grateful. I'm grateful that I have such a comfortable pillow to rest my brain for the next day of school and I can't help but think how lucky I am. The feeling of laying my head on my pillow at night is almost as satisfying as the moments where you wake up at 3am, look at the time and smile to yourself, knowing you still have 4 more hours to sleep, or when you forget that you have a student free day today, like I did this morning and started bashing my snooze button when the clock hit 7:03, and then remember that you have all the time in the world to sleep. I think that's what will excite me most about the completion of Year 12 ... being able to wake up at the time you usually do each morning (stupid body clock functions) and then being able to catch up on the sleep you missed out on throughout the year. Being able to do this for a week straight, or however long it will take you, is going to be incredible. I'm exhausted, but it's not the exhaustion that one night can fix, because I've already tried that. But soon enough, I will be able to sleep for a week straight without knowing that I should really be finishing that assignment or I should be studying for those exams. Awesome.

"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and only cease at death."

I'm sorry to my millions of blog readers out there for not posting in a while, I know how terribly you all must have missed me, to say the least. I've just been busy realising how much work I actually have to get done for Year 12 and spending time catching up on all the work that I've regrettably let fall behind me (that is still quite a large amount, might I add), but you know - I thought I deserved a quick ten minute blogging break before I depart my desk to snuggle up on the couch with a cup of coffee and wish my life was as dramatic as those on Packed to the Rafters (i.e. I'm about to procrastinate for another hour).

Many thoughts considering my plans next year have been flooding my head for the past couple of days (as they usually do) and I have come to the conclusion that maybe Law isn't for me - as interesting and fascinating as it is, I don't think my heart will really be in it, so I conducted some further research into other degrees that just scream Claire. I've found International Studies and it looks soooo good - completely what I've been looking for for the past seventeen years of my life. I will still do Commerce, hopefully picking it up in the second year, so I can follow my long dream of becoming an accountant, and I'll also hopefully pick up French (which gives me the possibility of studying overseas for one or two semesters, which would be incredible!) but needless to say, I am SO much more excited for university now that I know my heart WILL be in it. I also have a few friends that are following the same degree as me (International Studies that is) and it warms my heart to know that one friend is particularly excited to have me do the degree with him (shout out to Matty Jackson here, if you ever read this!).

Anywho, I just thought I should let you all know my plans, because I know you care so much (or so little, but that's not the point), but I'm afraid Packed to the Rafters is calling my name. I'll write to you all in a little while (who knows, I might not have any work to do in my frees tomorrow...) but until then, I wish you all a very happy day/week/month (oh please, don't let it be a month before I can write again!)... whatever. See you soon. Love you all.

"Our ambitions for our country should be as big as the country itself."

I've just spent my last couple of hours dreaming big dreams - and I mean big. I've been doing research as to what I can do to get as close to the prime ministry as possible - yes people, I would like to be the next redhead Prime Minister. I've always had a thing for politics and when I stepped into the House of Representatives during my Canberra trip I just felt like I had a place in there, as crazy as that sounds. I know it's a HUGE dream, but if the other 27 have done it, then why can't I? There are huge stepping stones in every dream that a person has and much needs to be done to fulfill every single dream. I detest it when people put down other people's dreams, because if we didn't have dreams, then we wouldn't get anywhere in life, because we need dreams to succeed. If we don't have dreams, then what IS there to succeed?

In other news, our English Studies trip to Canberra was incredible - SO good. I loved every second of it, whether it was sitting in the House of Reps, freezing during the Memorial ceremony, or just spending time with our beautiful class, including our (old) teacher Abby, who is leaving for Austria soon to pursue HER dreams. We all have dreams, and if yours is something as big as mine (and to be honest, I could suss out a LOT of people that would be a million times better at leading the country than I would be), then go for it. I know it's a cliche, but anything that is humanely possible can be done if you really work for it. It won't happen overnight, and I sure know that - like I said before, EVERY dream requires hard work and a lot of dedication, because every stepping stone isn't just one step apart, it can be many. Just have a go. If you feel like it's your heart talking to you, then follow it.

Have a beautiful week everyone :)

"The best cure for an off day is a day off."

I felt it absolutely necessary this morning when I woke up that I should have a day off today - just for myself. Last night I found myself becoming seriously addicted to the drug called Gossipgirlamphetamine and decided that all my hard work that I had done for the past two weeks of "holidays", I deserved a bit of a break. So, today, I have managed to watch about eight episodes of Gossip Girl (and counting), but as per usual, the guilt of doing no homework is still hanging on my shoulders, but I don't want to do any of it, even though I know I should. I decided long ago that this was going to be a day for me (well, I decided about ten hours ago) so that is the way it will remain. My plan for tonight is going to be choosing tomorrow night's outfit (007 theme - I am way open for suggestions) and starting to lay out clothes to take to Canberra. I'm seriously so excited to freeze in Canberra with my English Studies class - it's going to be so much fun!

I made a tumblr today as well, for no particular reason: http://claire-smiles.tumblr.com - I don't know if I will be able to continue updating on a regular basis, but I made the tumblr especially for those days where I have simply too much homework to write a long line of mumbo jumbo, and I can simply find a picture or a quote to describe my day in a nutshell. So, I encourage you to begin following both (if anyone actually reads this to begin with), if you are seriously that interested in my life.


X O X O, Gossip Girl (yep, I am the Gossip Girl - just kidding).

What makes you happy?

It's a simple question, really. What makes you happy?

Don't worry about what makes other people happy, or what you think makes other people happy. What makes YOU happy? I've just been watching reruns of Dharma & Greg (also known as procrastination for my art exam tomorrow morning, which I take pride in starting revision for today) and I'm watching episode 13 of the first season, which is all about what makes Greg Montgomery happy. It's not his high-paying job as a US attorney that makes him happy, much to Kitty and Edward Montgomery's dismay, but it's cooking, which his wife didn't even know he liked doing because he was so caught up in his job as a lawyer (but mind you, since they married on their first date and have only been together for about three months now, there's probably a lot of things Dharma and Greg don't know about each other, but that's beside the point). It made me think... am I really doing what makes me happy? And the answer is, yes. Many of you would know how focused I am on my goals and my dreams, but I wouldn't have these goals and dreams if they weren't what made me happy, because I wouldn't want to spend my life any other way - life is way too short to get caught up doing things that make you unhappy, because once a day is gone, you're never going to get it back. So, if you are doing things that make you unhappy, I encourage you to find something that does make you happy and do it. Dylan Thomas put it nicely into his poem "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night", which I spent a few decent minutes revising and writing about in my English Studies exam on Monday morning - "Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light." He puts it nicely I think - don't die softly, because life is too valuable to give up just like that.


If it means spending your Saturday mornings making multi-coloured paper boats, then do it. There is so much happening out there that can make you happy, so take a minute and think about what you could be doing that would put a smile on your face every minute of every day. I think life would be just that little bit sweeter :)

Movie nights.

Movie nights are so invigorating. I spent three hours with my girls last night lining up at Piccadilly Cinemas at 11pm to see the midnight release of the third Twilight movie - it was amazing, but I'm not going to waste my time writing about how hot Jacob Black is or how much we wish we were in Edward Cullen's pants right now, because we all know that anyway. Instead, I'm going to focus on a few different things, such as the fact that I never thought I would be lining up outside a cinema waiting for the release of a new movie, especially a Twilight one. And before last night, I had forgotten what a night out with the girls felt like, because I've been crammed up inside my bedroom doing this little thing called year 12 and it's taken away any freedom like I had last night. Sure, I see the girls every now and then and we have great conversations at school, but last night was just incredible. There was just something uber special about it - maybe it was the mutual coldness that we all shared but weren't able to snuggle up to each other because the seat dividers wouldn't rise, or maybe it was the continual 'wala-wala-wala-winchaaa' (Packed to the Rafters reference right there) that we felt compelled to do whilst waiting for the movie to begin. Or maybe even it was reflecting on year 9 English class as we saw the new trailer for 'Tomorrow, When the War Began'. Or even, it could have been the fact that none of us had read Eclipse in about a trillion years and had completely forgotten about everything that happened, so everytime we remembered something when it came onto the screen one of us would whisper 'ohhhh, that's right'. Whatever it was, it was brilliant.

Re-arranging.

It's amazing how much joy can be found in the rearrangement of a bedroom. I was in great need of a layout change of my bedroom as I was beginning to feel too crammed, even though my room is quite big. Anyway, the change isn't that big, I just flipped the bed and desk around but my room now feels so much more open. My desk is now in front of my window (good or bad thing? - I might daydream now...) and my desk is on the opposite side... and I love it! I had so much fun doing the actual rearranging... Mum was home the whole time and offered to help when I needed it, then she came up and looked at it and couldn't believe I did the whole thing myself - may you know, moving a queen bed by yourself with limited space is hardly light work. Anyway, it's all done, everything is in its new place, and I'm happy.


I love my bedroom.

My to do list.

Sometime in the next month or so I am going to:

1. STOP biting my fingernails.
2. Declutter my bedroom and deattach myself from my primary school projects.
3. Practice flute more everyday.
4. Keep my room tidy.
5. Limit myself to less than 5 Facebook checks a day.
6. Destress.
7. Save money and stop useless shopping.
8. Print formal photos and make an album.
9. Broaden my appreciation for music.
10. Stop texting in class.
11. Go driving.
12. Limit myself to just one episode of 24 every day.
13. Continue appreciating my cat more.
14. Help out around the house more.
15. Keep adding to this list until I'm happy with the new me.

I CAN DO IT.

"we cannot do great things on this earth, only small things with great love."

it's so heartwarming when you see random strangers doing something nice for someone else. and no matter how mean or unkind someone looks, there is always something surprising about them, such as their generosity, that immediately takes back any thoughts you once had about them. for example, while waiting for my brother outside the barr smith library at adelaide uni yesterday afternoon, a old homeless man was wandering around searching the bins for plastic bottles that he could later trade for 10 cents each. just as he started searching the bin opposite me, a man sitting next to me started drinking his gatorade very fast and when he finished, he flattened his plastic bottle, mimicking the homeless man, and then walked over to him and said 'here you go, buddy', gave him a smile, then walked down the stairs. the sheer gratitude and warmth that you could immediately read on the face of the homeless man as he turned around and watched the man as he walked away was what you can only see after a situation like that. it's almost as powerful as the gratitude on the face of the old lady when the teenage boy, that you previously thought was stuck up and obnoxious, gives up his seat on a very crowded bus and opts to stand for the rest of the bus ride if it means the old lady has a seat. the surprise on the face of the elderly when one does something lovely for them like that just goes to show their shock that all of generation y really isn't as bad as they think.

it's when you see smiles like this that you really know you've made someone's day.

"good manners: the noise you don't make while eating soup."

one of the things i value most about my beautiful mother is her ability to make amazing soups. i'm sitting here in my study lesson now (studying of course, for what else could i possibly be doing?), drinking (eating?) mum's homemade pumpkin soup and wondering how she does it. i don't think she even follows a recipe, and i used to think that food this good could only come from following a recipe. it just has this kind of texture that can't be beaten, and it's the only food that can immediately make me feel better when i'm feeling sick, tired or stressed (usually the unfortunate combination of all three). soup this good can't be ordered at a restaurant, nor can it be attempted in those horrible packet mixes that you can buy in aisle 4 at the supermarket.


it can only be created by mummy.

"it always seems impossible until it's done."

i could just about hear the sigh of relief that continuously floated around the room like a mexican wave when my year 12 english studies class finally handed up our supporting studies at 1.30pm today. abby came around, holding out her hands and it felt sooo good to hand it up... i've always enjoyed handing up assignments, but the hell we've been through with this particular one just made it even better. when we looked at our slaughtered draft and comprehended how much work we still had to put into the assignment, that little flicker of hope just seemed to diminish immediately and the quote title of this blog was totally relevant to all of us. it actually did seem impossible because there was still so much more to go, even when we thought we had finished. it seems the author's ideas and intentions are just never ending and there is never enough to write about when it comes to writing out a supporting study. it seems you can only get it down if you ARE the author, friends with the author or have some kind of pyschic connection with the author. i did not achieve any of these with neither f. scott fitzgerald or jane austen.

if i had these babies on my desk though, i might have been okay.




i will never fully understand the mind of jane austen. ever.

"in school, i could hear the leaves rustle and go on a journey."

there was something extremely satisfying about today's lunch break. even though we were still studying and caving into the pressures of year 12, sitting outside was so refreshing and it made working so much easier. the sun was shining (even though it's now officially winter - mega YAY!) and escaping the study room was so nice. random conversations still took place (as they do - we have now come face to face with the reality that NO one can spend a study lesson in silence), but it suddenly felt that we weren't doing work, simply by being outside. it struck me as kinda odd, and i wonder if the success of students would be much higher if the school was situated outside. if there were no such things as classrooms or study rooms, everything was just done outside. that would be amazing. we could breathe the natural air, not the stuffy air that is forced into our lungs during school time and we could just enjoy the sunshine.


hmmm. i might put it to management.

"the trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be."

i often think about the future that my children-to-be will grow up in and how it will compare to the times that we have grown up in. i don't want my children to be raised in a world that is consumed by technology, starving from famine and eaten alive by global warming - i want them to be raised in the circumstances that i was raised in. it's the only thing i DON'T like about the future - it's exactly that. the future. we can't foresee what is going to happen (and no, i don't believe in psychics) and a single individual can't stop what is going to happen. in order for anything to be done effectively, the whole world needs to come together as one and agree to put a stop to it. which is impossible because of the nature of humans. if we were all willing to work together and cooperate, then our year 12 modern history class wouldn't be studying what they are now, and a child wouldn't be dying every second from a lack of drinking water.

this is what i see right now when i think about the future of the world:




now that i've got that off my chest, today was a good day.

"i see my path, but i don't know where it leads. not knowing where i'm going is what inspires me to travel it."

so i'm sitting here in the downstairs study room during my double free contemplating life, as i usually do. it often occurs to me how sick i'm growing of year 12 and how i just want to get out of adelaide now before it starts to become too difficult. i know this is far from the right attitude that i should have right now but after hearing about where various people have been and where they are going in the future just makes me want to see it all. there is something so satisfying about seeing a different part of the world and wherever you go, you can't see it all. even in adelaide there is so much more that i am yet to see but it just seems that adelaide is so small and simple compared to other places throughout the world. my parents are about to start planning their trip to europe in 2012 and just knowing that i'm not going to be with them and they're going to see everything before i am feels funny.

i'm still yet to make one of those awesome world maps with the different coloured pins to show where i have been and where i still want to go. i know that when i finally get around to doing this, the map will be overloaded with one certain colour and only a few of the other colours (you get the idea of which is dominating...). but i think doing something simple like this will just inspire me to get out there more. it might not be possible at the time (perfect example throughout this year) but i will make it happen, somehow.

i'd be more than happy to stay in a place like this all my life if it meant seeing every inch of the world.



my husband better be into travelling.

"home is the place where it feels right to walk around without shoes."

something a little bit odd occurred to me as i was processing the layby of a newly married couple (there was a lot to layby, so we had a nice chat) - i think one of the most exciting moments of my life will be the first homewares shopping spree i will have with my new husband when we move into our new home. sure, there may be a few fights here and there as we make our way through target, myer and harris scarfe (and best of all - IKEA!), but it will be so exciting. deciding the best pattern of the bedspread, shape of our plates, how many pillows we'd like... i know it's kind of sad for me to get excited for something so lame, but it's what i do get excited over. i get excited for the stupid things in life.

in my opinion, the most idyllic house to live in would be the gorgeous 'rosehill cottage' from the holiday. it would be so warm and cosy. here's a picture so you get the general idea (or you could just watch the movie and have your heart warmed forever):




well, i'll find it exciting :)

"winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth: it is the time for home."

winter makes me happy. i'm not a summer girl by any means, except for things done in the early evenings and night, especially going to the beach and the water is just the right temperature. i love that. winter is yet another factor in the equation that equals a very happy claire. winter and all that comes with it (because absolutely anything can be associated with winter, warmth and good lovin') is pretty much the bulk of claire's happy equation. i'm not saying that just because i love winter doesn't mean i don't like going outdoors like people seem to be obsessed with in the summer. the thing is, when it's raining, i WANT to go outside. it's like it's almost calling me to just get out there and run around until i'm soaking wet. then you can just warm straight back up again after getting out of a nice hot bath, into the uggies and trackies, and then snuggling up on the couch with your coffee and a good book or chick flick. the thing i hate is how christmas is in summer in australia. and then as much as i want to experience a white christmas, it won't be at home, whoever i am with. home doesn't mean literally in my home, but with my family, my friends and my community. i wouldn't want to be anywhere else BUT home during christmas. if global warming can do anything crazy (and good at the same time), it would be to let adelaide have a white christmas, just for once.

then my holiday season can be spent roaming around rundle mall doing last minute christmas shopping singing the carols that involve the words 'white', 'snow' and 'fire' without feeling like an idiot. that would be amazing.


claire is happy :)

"wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving."

i had the greatest day yesterday. full of small, beautiful things that didn't fail to make me smile. started with a four hour shift at work, serving some of the nicest customers and learning the tips and tricks of the refund counter. then finding a lovely warm jacket that will keep me warm in canberra for our english studies trip to canberra. then going home, relaxing and figuring out what to wear into the city for a trip to eckersley's with my lovely boyfriend and his sister. then finding a park in the frome st u-park and laughing at david's horrible park. then walking out into the rain straight to eckersley's and getting 20% off my four new watercolor brushes, which i paid $22.90 for. then walking to rundle mall with our eckersley's purchases and looking around the clothes in myer. then finding a lovely $15 top (the last one on the rack) and trying it on, fitting perfectly. then walking down further rundle st to the amazing cafe called cocolat. then buying a cappucino and sharing a piece of horribly naughty chocolate cake. then walking back to the u-park and then paying $11.00 for parking (ridiculously outrageous according to david). then driving back to david's house, saying a quick hello to his parents before they went out. then patting monty the cat before he started attacking kayla's feet. then watching the most beautiful movie i have seen in a long while - the holiday. so lovely. then driving back home at 11.30pm with the goodnight kiss that made my day. i want to do it all again today.




i freaking love my life.

"you'll come to find that love is, actually, all around."

in the words of the prime minister:

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."




i love love.

"i believe in an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out."

i've told a few people this recently, but i have come to realise how much i admire those people that are smart. like smart smart. as in physics smart. those people that can just look at a plane and figure out in a second how it was designed and put together. all i know is that it's got wings and an engine that somehow makes it stay up in the air. i couldn't care less for all the intricacies of the design.

i thought i was at an advantage that i have an awesome calculator on my nokia, but then i meet the people that have one in their head, that works just as fast. sure, i can calculate 63 + 5 in my head (67 yeah? - kidding, ha) but i have to actually take the time to set it out in my brain like we did in year 4. all lined up perfectly beneath each other, with the plus symbol on the side to remind myself that i am adding the two numbers together. i then mentally take over the spare number if it is more than two digits and i eventually get the right answer. and then i meet special people, like the brother andrew or the bf david, who can just work it out like that. i'm standing in allan's music the day i buy christmas presents and i see a harmonica for $28 with 30% off. so, as i do, i grab out my phone to find the awesome calculator function, and before i've even unlocked the keypad, david just says "its $19.60". WHAT. so, i still seek my calculator function on the nokia, and sure enough, i will pay $19.60 for this harmonica (that i still haven't learn to play). i nod down at my phone, embarrassed at trying to prove david wrong, then look up to see the little smirk on his lovely face and then think to myself 'you find people like me funny, don't you?' i know you do.

actually, makes me feel bad when this is the most work i do in maths class, ha.


and to think my dream job is an accountant. oh i laugh at myself sometimes.

"coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with."

one of life's greatest moments is when you meet a friend for coffee on an early morning in winter and you sit down with that friend, all huffed and puffed because you can't believe you just paid $6.00 for that cup of coffee. you spend five minutes discussing with the friend how you could have easily paid $3.00 for some plastic coffee at mccafe, it would taste just as good wouldn't it? but then the extremely cute waiter with black thick rimmed glasses and a little apron at the waist waltzes out of the kitchen and places this in front of you...




... so, your eyes glance down at the coffee and you forget everything horrible you just said about the ridiculous amount of money you just paid for this baby. then, while you're drinking it, you can't help but get excited for this time next month when you can finally afford another coffee worth $6.00, and until then, you're just going to have to stick with the $3.00 plastic coffee from mccafe. it gets me every time.

AMAZING!